10 Foolproof Tips for Starting Meaningful Conversations with Them

It may seem like an impossible task, but you’ll be able to talk to your child, grandchild, or nephew without it seeming like you have nothing in common.You just need to follow some effective communication techniques

I have four teenage nephews (some grown) and one preteen, and one of their grandmother’s (my mother’s) biggest worries is how to talk to them. In many cases, they feel like a closed book.

When we have the opportunity to interact with them, the existing generation gap seems to complicate our existence. There is no doubt that parents are the ones who suffer the most. This is not an easy time for families.

According to UNICEF Adolescence is a necessary stage to become an adult with diverse learning possibilities. During adolescence, According to the World Health Organization (WHO), the disease occurs between the ages of 10 and 19 years.you are experiencing a critical life and death moment.

According to the Spanish Society of Adolescent MedicineBy then, there are four milestones to achieve: independence from parental figures, acceptance of body image, social integration through groups, and solidification of identity.

For families, it is important not only Empathy and understand, but also know What happens in young people’s brains That way their adolescence doesn’t overwhelm any of you.In fact, as Javier Quintero, Ph.D., psychiatrist and author of The Adolescent Brain, puts it, “When we acknowledge that adolescence is a great biological transition, we understand Seeing it as a possibility for improvement will allow us to actively focus on our son or daughter. Thereby helping you find your own way. “

That’s why we took advice from Fiona Hannah, clinical director and founder of Youth Mental Health; and Stella O’Malley, psychotherapist and author of What is your child trying to tell you?

they have explained guardian.they teach us How to Talk Better to Teenswith tips and questions to start a conversation and talk about various topics such as social networks or the environment.

Use third person for sensitive topics

Better than speaking in the first person is uUsing a third party as an excuse to start a conversationAs Fiona Hannah explains. “If you say something that sounds challenging, your child will become defensive.” For example, “I was talking to a coworker about social networks and she told me they are harmful. What do you think?”

Try to let the conversation flow naturally

The key to starting the conversation so that the teen doesn’t feel like it’s an attack is to start it in a natural setting. For example, take a car ride together, take a walk while shopping, or sit on the couch and watch TV.Hannah claims It’s a good strategy to have a conversation while you’re sitting together rather than face to face.

Change your mood: Don’t ask the same things over and over again

Stella O’Malley believes changing paths and Don’t ask the questions everyone asks, even though we want to go to the same place. Instead of asking yourself what do you want to do after high school, you can ask yourself, “If I wasn’t doing what I’m doing, what job do you think I’d be suited for?” The conversation then becomes, “What would you like to do?”

Swap roles

able Inviting our children to think rather than telling them how things are. so, We will collaborate with your critical thinking. With this in mind, we could ask him, for example, “If you had a child, what rules would you create for his cell phone?”

O’Malley explains, “Young people are naturally much wiser and learn more than their parents expect them to. Parents tend to underestimate the impact they have on their adolescent children.”

Ask them about their past so they can reflect

“What is the most surprising thing that happened to you as a child?” With this simple question, not only are we interested in them, but we don’t take the answers for granted. Maybe something happened to him that you don’t know about, like falling in love that wasn’t reciprocated, losing a friendship due to a misunderstanding, or having a conversation that made a lasting impression on him and his aunt. It will help you reflect on your life so far. And will make you think about how it affects who you are today.

Practice active listening

Another tip from O’Malley is to keep quiet and don’t try to give them unsolicited advice.we can use it with them Active listening, a technique used by former FBI agents, and give them space to speak without fear of being judged. Apart from, By genuinely listening to them, we will have more time to think about the answers.

Don’t be afraid to talk to them about sex.

You don’t have to be Otis’ mother Sex Education (a series we recommend you watch with your kids), But don’t assume your child knows nothing about sex. O’Malley says we can innocently ask questions like: “What do you think is the best way for someone to lose their virginity?”

If you want them to open up, open up with them.

Being honest with your teens is your best tool for keeping them honest. For example, we can tell them, “When I was your age, I felt lonelier than anyone could imagine. Is there something going on in your life that no one knows about?” Talk to them about our failures, what we mistakes made or our fears, Help them see themselves in us, imperfect humans.

listen to their concerns

Just like adults, Teenagers also worry about what is going on around them. For example, According to a survey by the Spanish Youth Council, 59% of Spanish youth feel they are not represented in our country’s political system, and housing is the top concern of Spanish youth. The environment is another top concern for young people, so we can ask them why they care “How do you feel about what’s happening to our planet?” The answer may surprise you.

encourage them to think

O’Malley believes the key to these conversations, in addition to providing advice, is Encourage teens to think beyond the obvious what’s going on. For example, if he tells us that his friend behaved badly toward him, we can ask him why he thinks he behaved that way. Hannah believes you have to try to get teenagers to see things differently. “Maybe someone is having a bad day and needs help instead of judgment.”

Let them know about their lives

With one simple question, we can make them think a lot. “How would you be different if you were born into a different family?” This question gets them thinking about what the values ​​of the family they grew up in are, and what is their life like compared to others? Even make them think about how much they care about their family. “You want them to think about how being part of a family affects them. Yes Help develop self-awareness and self-understanding

O’Malley said.

Will make suggestions next time

Remember, this conversation, and any conversation with your teen, doesn’t have to end. It just encourages self-reflection at this stage in life and trying to connect with them. “Try not to end up with an answer or solution to the problem being discussed,” warns Hannah. “You’re not trying to solve the problem for them. Teenagers need to learn to build their own set of life tools. What you can do is help them think. “

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