So you want to get into the horror movie business, right? Take notes from a studio executive like me.
I’ve already seen your type. Just got out of film school with all these “ideas” on how to make a good horror movie. Your professors told you it had to have “themes”, “social commentary” and “point of view”, didn’t they? Maybe you bought into A24’s schtick and decided that the horror needs to be stepped up or isn’t horror at all? Well, here’s my point. A good horror movie makes MONEY. MUCH MONEY. LIKE THESE MOVIES. THEY EARNED MORE MONEY THAN GOD. This, my friend, is the ultimate horror. There is nothing more cosmically terrifying than this.
So if you want to know how to bankrupt heaven, take a look at these movies. Maybe you’ll actually learn something this time. *Smokes a cigar made from 100 dollar bills*.
Hannibal (2001)
Remember Silence of the Lambs? So are box office receipts. This movie made a LOT of money. In light of the success of the original, the studios did what they do best and greenlit a slew of sequels to squeeze all the money they could out of this cash cow. Lamb. Whatever. Ridley Scott Hannibal takes place 10 years after the original Silence of the Lambs. Escaped serial killer Hannibal Lecter (Anthony Hopkins) has returned to America, and it’s up to FBI agent Clarice Starling (Julianne Moore, replacing Jodie Foster) to track him down. In the process, she discovered that the worldwide profit was $351,692,268.
Nun (2018)
Spell The franchise is the most successful horror franchise ever created. These films earned $2,296,243,448. If you didn’t take math in film school, that’s over two billion dollars. It’s practically MCU horror. Suck it Saws. Directed by Corin Hardy Nun decided to further break the already broken bank. The action takes place in Romania. A priest (Demián Bichir) with a haunted past and a nun (Taissa Farmiga) travel to Romania to investigate the death of another nun. There they meet demonic a nun (Bonnie Aarons) is hell-bent on destroying them. Which one is the Nun? All of them? None of them? Let the guys from the film school discuss it. My only concern is the $365,550,119 this movie made worldwide. In continuation, Nun IIwill be released this month.
Prometheus (2012)
Director Ridley Scott strikes again! The director who launched Stranger The franchise puts on the beret and picks up the megaphone again to make one of the millions of spin-offs spawned by this original space-age horror film. Starring Michael Fassbender, Noomi Rapace and Charlize Theron. Prometheus delves into the origins of the xenomorph menace when a team of scientists discovers a proto-version of the species on a distant planet. Together with him they find death. The studio found $403,354,469.
Signs (2002)
Remember when M. Night Shyamalan made good movies? I know what the studios do, wistfully. Signs is the story of a former priest turned farmer (Mel Gibson) who begins to see “signs” of an alien invasion. First as crop circles, then in a grainy home video taken from some poor kid’s birthday party. The studio probably threw a better party, considering this little film grossed $408,247,917.
Exorcist (1973)
Hey look! William Friedkin Exorcist is one of those film school films with “themes” and “symbolism” that you love so much! Exorcist was the first horror film ever nominated for an Academy Award for Best Picture. This is the story of a little girl (Linda Blair) who is possessed by an ancient Assyrian demon named Pazuzu. What does it do? Oh, nothing, just her head spinning 360 degrees and vomiting pea soup all over the place. I’m sure the studio executives did the same when they learned that this picture made $441,306,145. And this is WITHOUT reference to any other franchise. For a standalone horror film, this is certainly impressive.
This is Chapter Two (2019)
Andy Muschietti Ru: Chapter two did This wrong. The sequel made less money than the original film! What gives? How could you write a Stephen King story? This man is a living goldmine! This is Chapter Two picks up where the first film left off, featuring the final showdown between a now-adult group of Maine misfits and a transdimensional clown monster. I am not angry. In fact, they call themselves “The Losers.” The only thing this movie didn’t lose was money. It amounted to $473,093,228.
World War Z (2013)
Mark Forster World War Z taught us one thing: a zombie story with Brad Pitt’s face on it is a recipe for success. The film follows a UN worker who tries to stop a worldwide zombie phenomenon. Speaking of global phenomena, this film grossed $540,007,876 worldwide. Numbers you can really sink your teeth into.
I’m a legend (2007)
Remember how I said Brad Pitt + zombies = $$$? Well, Francis Lawrence I’m a legend taught us that Will Smith + zombies = $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$. This film centers on a scientist (Smith) who is the last human survivor of a zombie vampire outbreak in New York City. He and his dog rush to find a cure. Speaking of dogs, don’t watch this movie if you’re a dog fan. I think the $585,349,010 this movie made proves that a lot of people aren’t dog people.
Sixth Sense (1999)
Haley Joel Osment sees dead people, but I see NUMBERS, BABY. Sixth Sense It is M. Night Shyamalan’s highest-grossing horror film and the second-highest-grossing horror film of all time. It’s about some snotty-nosed kid who sees dead people, and his friendship with a psychologist (Bruce Willis) who decides to give him therapy or something. Who needs therapy when you have $672,806,292?
This (2017)
Is it any wonder that Stephen King’s story became the highest-grossing horror film of all time? No wonder he is called the King of Terror. “This is perhaps the best horror film ever made in a theater” Andy Muschietti. It’s about a group of kids who decide to save their town from a crazy clown monster who preys on their worst fears. It has everything a horror movie fan could want! Horror! Humor! Heart! This is the greatest horror movie of all time! What it is? Want to argue? Oh, sorry, I bet you think it’s Hereditary or something because of its themes and metaphors. I have a metaphor for you: This GOLD. It’s worth $700,381,759!
(featured image: Warner Bros.)
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