Beyond Michael Jordan: Chicago has a new GOAT

Ladies and gentlemen, I introduce to you the red panda! Fuck Michael Jordan, anyone can win 6 rings with Jerry Krause, Phil Jackson, Scottie Pippen and my idol Dennis Rodman. But no one, and I mean no one, flips six damn bowls on their dome while riding a unicycle. Not only does this girl balance on one leg, but she puts all the bowls on her head that she has flipped over the dome, and then she has the ball sitting there and puts 6 more bowls on her damn legs and There is some how to flip them into the other 4 bowls that are already on her dome. This legend flipped 10 fucking bowls over her dome.

Anyone can dunk at the free throw line these days, but no one in the NBA is going to ride a damn unicycle and throw 10 bowls into their dome. I’m sure 90% of the people who came to the game came to see her. Why would I pay for a team whose best player is Alex Caruso? No offense, Alex can play basketball, but he’s not worth the $80 a ticket. What about red pandas, on the other hand? Hell, I’d pay $200 to watch her flip cups on a dome for an hour. If you go to a Bulls game, don’t miss the halftime show. There’s a good chance this will be the highlight of the night.

Editor’s Note: It’s so adorable watching Nikki Smokes grow up and learn new things. I just discovered the red panda, which I think is awesome. Following his journey is a joy.