Lady D and the queen, enemies for the skin

This article about Lady D was published on January 19, 2022 in issue 2-3 of the magazine Vanity Fair and we propose today to trace again the changes that Vanity has been a main character for the last 20. Here are all the articles we republish

Spencer, Pablo Larraín’s film about Diana, develops only one theme, the obsession. The loneliness of Lady D. Conclusion, the coldness of the royal family, waiters, policemen and spies, this jerk-husband who makes a camorist gaffe by giving the same necklace to his wife and mistress. Diana’s pain borders on insanity, all the humiliation, self-mutilation and deceit, cosmic vomit like rejection and scarring of the crown. And the ghost of Anne Boleyn, who buzzes around her to remind her that she is too, otherwise she will be beheaded. Passionate, powerful, the film makes you be Diana, a fly on the canvas, conceited arrogance, rebelling against the golden tortures of a militarized life, where opening windows is a crime. Only in the finale does Diana breathe and we are with her, even if it is a dream. Spencer is a valuable octave that is added to chanson de gestures an infinity born around a princess… A voice interrupts me. Secret voice. This is Diana.

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Diana: “Yes, yes, good … But this film does not have that naive demonic flicker that made me a goddess! Not a word about my deadly sensuality allumeuse to the world, to the malice of my frankness, to my talent as a seductress. Here Diana is Snow White and the seven monsters, the victim… Oh no! Because in the end I won. I paid with my life, but gained immortality. My ambitions as a divine narcissist were immeasurable and I achieved them all. What an end! My funeral, the most popular in history, attended by three billion people. Except John Lennon. And the Windsors were holed up in Scotland before the funeral, like mice to avoid coming, but there would have been a revolution in London if they had treated me with disdain even when I was dead. People felt so sorry for me and were angry with them that they were forced to gallop back, sadly come to the funeral procession, which millions of my orphans were looking angrily at, in order to take a little of my light. Finally the queen bowed to me. To save the monarchy, she forced herself to say on television (at me! I still laugh about it): “Diana was an extraordinary person who, both in moments of happiness and in moments of despair, never lost the ability to smile. , and inspire others with your warmth and kindness.” What a bow Lilibet made me in front of my coffin! By my death, I won the crown and deprived her of her throne forever. Anyway, the match was always between the two of us. Carlo was an extra, good for gossip. There was never room for two queens.

Another voice, angry and majestic, answers her. She is a queen.

Elizabeth: “I still have the crown and I am alive. Not you”.

Question: “You are alive, but I won. Through ego-hacking, immense charisma, the betrayal of the fabulous Cinderella, the sex appeal you dream of, I pitted the power of the media against the power of the Crown for the first time in history, and I won. I founded a sect. I gave people a fairy tale. That’s what the British want from their rulers! If not, what do they make you do? They felt compensated from me, they finally understood why pay taxes for my serial fiction … You chose me in the catalog as Jack Russell: young, prolific, stupid (you thought). And instead, I was the greatest mystical glory of all time, more than Evita Peron. I was a communication genius. And I made everyone fall in love with him.”

AND: “Once upon a time you would have had an executioner.”

Question: “Today there’s a car accident.”

AND: “You made us look like killers!”

Question: “It won’t be true, but a lot of people think it was you, you were too comfortable. A film by Stephen Frears Queen – Queenwhen Helen Mirren, the queen, shoots the royal deer on the hunt, everyone thought of me! You with your intrigues, with your spies… But I knew my strength. What a great actress. One BBC interview was enough for me to fuck you all. A coup d’etat with ink that knocked you off your feet.”

AND: “Poor fellow! In that interview, you revealed yourself completely, in your insignificance. Some jokes eluded you! Speaking of your charity, that is, self-worship, you said: “Someone must also walk around loving people. I do it. Thirty seconds, five minutes, half an hour … “I miss Woody Allen. Lepers, orphans, the poor were the decoration of your narcissism. You wore Mother Teresa like a silver fox.”

Question: “Now I am a goddess. The gods are not discussed.

AND: “The death of God was not a good deal. The crowds yearn to make themselves gods, and we find you on the calendar.”

Question: “I made the revolution myself.”

And (chuckling): “Good revolution! Petty-bourgeois revolution at Buckingham Palace! You have become the patroness of desperate housewives. From a house with 600 rooms, you demanded happiness with two bedrooms. Did you know that you did not marry Mr Smith, but the heir to the throne? You are ridiculous.”

Question: “You are funny, her Majesty. I tore you apart.”

AND: “See! I will always be the main character. Dear press with suits, hats… I am Nonna Speranza’s living room, a great eternal thing in bad taste, so out of time to be fashionable, I will never fade (dreamy, undertone, ed.). Yesterday, on the outside wall, an unfamiliar hand wrote: “The only true pussy remains the Queen.”

D (after a fit of horse-like laughter at Elizabeth’s pitiful exit): “My funeral… London was full of flowers, everyone was crying. Santa now. I took revenge. You didn’t tell me that Carlo was already married to Camille! That terrible first night that Carlo then blabbed to his friends and said about me: “She was painfully naive.” How? You have a beautiful 19 year old virgin in your bed and you want to be initiated too?

AND: “Yes, your first lover, Hewitt, who looks so much like our Harry, with such red hair…”.

Question: “And why didn’t Carlo rape me? He is the only one who did not see me: I immediately became a diva, after that wedding, from which the world took its breath away, and the light came only from me! Carlo hated me because I stole his attention. From our first appearance in public, the crowd shouted: “Here she is!”, Not: “Here they are!”. And he hysterically broke two chairs in the hotel. He was jealous not of men, but of the crowd.

AND: “How did you drag us! You invented the royal reality show.”

Question: “Ungrateful. Do you remember what the Beatles said? “We are more popular than Jesus Christ.” I promoted you rock stars!”

AND: “You will rock, who threw the dust.”

Question: “Instead, you go to the whiskey… you too. You drink in secret, everyone knows that.”

AND: “Meanwhile, Carlo married his Camille…”.

Question: “This coward. He did not have the courage to marry her at a young age, and he missed the opportunity to become a legend, like the Duke of Windsor, who renounced the throne because of love … Those were passions. He kicked the crown, not like Carlo, who ruined everyone’s life, including his Cammella.

And (coquettishly): “We have always been original, we are Windsors. Yes, the Duke abdicated for Wallis Simpson, an American divorcee, the greatest outrage of his time. Less equine than Camille, but with a fascinating legend: she was said to be a man. This bitch saved Europe. If the duke had remained king, he would have entered into an alliance with Hitler, and goodbye world.”

Question: “It’s all over between Carlo and Camilla! Without me, they don’t know what to say.”

AND: “But they have what you’re missing: class.”

D (laughs): “Oh, the class of Carlo and Camilla is calling: “I want to be your tampax” … And if you got caught, what does the august cretin do? Offers the public to become chaste as compensation! We don’t care, he could cut him.”

AND: “You have seduced everyone except your lovers. They have not yet got out of bed, running from the newspapers. Your Hewitt sold you for £300,000. I’ll give you the details.”

D (dreamy): “Hewitt… For the first time, someone actually held me in his arms.”

AND: “But not the last. They are followed by Will Carling, Oliver Hoare, Barry Mannake … “.

Question: “That’s enough! Don’t mention Barry! Died in a car accident you orchestrated.

AND: – Do you have proof?

Question: “When Harry was born, you said: “It’s good that he doesn’t have his father’s ears!” They actually belonged to someone else.”

And (seriously): “Your death was not a conspiracy. These were the prayers of my subjects: God save the queen. And he saved me.”

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