Jai Shetty is a 35-year-old London life coach of Indian origin who became widely known when last summer he JLo and Ben Affleck’s wedding, But before participating in this event of tremendous media coverage, Jai Shetty made his first presentation known to the general public. bestselling book think like a monk (Mondadori), in which he told about his 3 years experience in a monastery in India and his very popular experience. podcast IntentionallyIn which he talks about issues related to conscious living with celebrity guests every week. We buzzed Jai Shetty who currently lives in sunny Los Angeles with his wife talk about his new book 8 rules of lovearriving in Italy in late summer (but you can find it for sale online in English, also in an audiobook version with Shetty’s narration).
When and how did you get the inspiration for this book?
“I’ve always wanted to write a book about love. And it’s not just because I love love. I wanted to write this book because I feel We still hold a lot of misconceptions about love, The fact is that our school has films and books on this macro theme. Which, mind you, offer us compelling stories, but which often revolve around concepts of drama, addictions, misunderstandings, betrayal. I thought I would examine the topic of love with a more critical eye, to understand how we might find and develop valuable relationships”.
Did you have the 8 laws of love in mind from the start?
«All I’m saying is that initially I wanted to write 52 rules! Then my editor suggested that I resize them to avoid overloading the readers. I have kept all the basic material that I collected and prepared, but I have organized them into 8 broad rules that seem to work very well for me».
This is a book dedicated to those who are already in a couple or those who are looking for love,
«I conceived it as a potentially useful book for everyone. Whether you’re single, in a relationship, divorced, depressed, or hopeful, you’ll find tons of useful information. I try to make one of the most important points in this book Love isn’t just about romantic relationships, as society would have us believeThere are many ways to experience love. For example, whenever we want to feel loved, we can give it to others on our own initiative, because even this gesture fills us with love. Then, of course, I tried to answer the many questions that people who are looking for a partner or people who want to build solid relationships ask me. But I hope this book will expand the way we think about love.”
Does he tell us the 8 laws of love one by one?
«With genuine pleasure!
Rule number 1: “Leave yourself alone”. This does not mean living alone, but taking time in solitude to devote oneself to deep self-knowledge. This can be done even while in a relationship. It’s about listening to yourself and understanding what really matters to you.
Rule No. 2: “Don’t Neglect Your Karma”, According to the cycle of karma, we repeat series of patterns of behavior in our lives. Understanding which karmic chakras are at work in our lives is a part of understanding ourselves. And it is worth understanding that every choice and action has consequences.
Rule No. 3: “Define what love is before you think, feel, or express it”, With this term I refer to the understanding that love (and saying “I love you” to a person) takes on different meanings for each of us and can change its meaning many times in our lives. Reflect on what love really means to you, enjoy the development of the feeling, and don’t rush things.
Rule No. 4: “Your partner is your mentor.” It’s about recognizing that the purpose of a loving relationship is not to keep us happy forever (that would be a utopia), but to learn, grow, and grow. In this sense, our partner is our greatest source of learning: let’s acknowledge this important role.
Rule number 5: «The objective comes first». Not only do we need to prioritize our purpose in life and nurture it every day, but we also need to help our partner prioritize theirs, so that we can have a balanced and mutually stimulating relationship. Where both people can grow together. The way I see it, every couple has 3 ongoing relationships: one between the partners and 2 each with a mutual purpose in life.
Rule number 6: “Win or lose together”. We stop avoiding conflict and instead embrace conflict for what it can give us. What matters is practicing and learning to argue in a respectful and effective manner, never destructive or an end in itself.
Rule number 7: “Don’t chase after the end of the story.” Breaking up and ending a relationship is always a difficult choice, but sometimes you need to make it and there’s a lot to be learned in these moments. Take your time and after a relationship is over, take the time to reflect and heal your heart before looking for something else.
Rule number 8: “Love again and again.” Love is actually a bigger feeling than we realize. The idea is to recognize it in its various forms and experience it more widely. For example love for parents, for siblings, for friends, for animals. It’s always about love.”
Assuming that each rule is equally important, do you think one of the 8 is particularly relevant?
«They can be more or less important and useful at different stages of our lives and in our relationships. For example, if a person has never spent time alone and doesn’t feel connected to themselves, rule #1. 1 may be your preference. If, on the other hand, what is lacking is an objective, rule n. 5 can be inspirational.”
Are there any signs in your experience that indicate we have met the right person?
“One of the biggest indicators is whether you feel you can grow with the other person. Relationships where one person wants to grow as a couple and the other doesn’t tend to be complicated.”
How has the way he loves changed since meeting his wife?
“I have learned a lot living with my wife, Radhi. He is my teacher! I learned with my wife that a partner is not there to meet your needs or fill your gaps. Radhi and I try to support each other in our individual projects and thus we connect from different living spaces, positively influencing each other. Growing up together.”
You have been married for many years. Is there any secret to not taking each other for granted when you’ve been together for a long time?
“While writing this book, I came across research that indicated that most long-term relationships end because one person loses touch with the other. Which means stop making an effort to feel connected and close. For example, no longer try to ask small but important questions like: “How was your day today?”“Do you have something to worry about?”, “Do you need to talk?”. These are small but fundamental daily gestures of commitment. My advice is to work out every day to stay connected. Ask your partner questions and listen honestly”.
He talked about having a constructive debate with his partner. But how is this done in practice?
“We have to change the way we conduct discussions and quarrels. When there is a disagreement we always think that the problem is with our partner. But it is not so. The cause of the discord or misunderstanding is the problem: You and your partner are a team that needs to find a way to deal with it together., This change of mindset can bear great fruit. And then I advise you, when you are arguing, don’t do it sitting opposite each other: sitting together will serve to remind each other that you are united on the same side. And it will be very easy to reach a positive resolution of the dispute, I guarantee it ».
Do you have any favorite quotes about love to share with us?
“To love is not to look at each other but to look together in the same direction”. From Little Princess by Antoine de Saint-Exupery».