Against kissing: Why lip-locking is bad for humans

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The benefits of kissing are obvious: it feels good and floods us with chemicals that connect us to our partner and leads to sex, which feels good and leads to the birth of a baby, which
Was good for evolution and therefore good for the species.

But can any responsible, ethical person maintain such an argument now that we’ve kissed ourselves to the point of causing more babies than the planet and its ability to regulate itself? Or if you’re not worried about the planet’s ability to thrive, what about your own? Study after study shows that people with babies are consistently less happy—and that’s not even taking into account that many of them spent nine months hunched over the toilet, vomited hours before, and endured unimaginable pain, which may permanently impair the normal functioning of their body.

A non-exhaustive list of other adverse effects that kissing can give you: colds, flu, coronavirus, gonorrhea, syphilis, mononucleosis, meningitis, tuberculosis, herpes, and HPV. If you have poor gum hygiene, add HIV to that list.

Besides that, kissing is gross. Let’s just call it that: spitting in someone’s face. Smithsonian Institution “According to one statistic, when kissing, couples exchange 9 milliliters of water, 0.7 milligrams of protein, 0.18 milligrams of organic compounds, 0.71 milligrams of fat, and 0.45 milligrams of sodium chloride, as well as 10 million to 1 billion bacteria.”

Here’s a somewhat taken-out-of-context quote from Dr. Valerie Curtis of the London School of Hygiene & Tropical Medicine: “If you see someone walking down the street, they’re going to see a lot of parasites. “You certainly don’t want to kiss them. “

Helen Fisher, a biological anthropologist at Rutgers University, believes that through their preference for kissing, men are “unconsciously trying to divert testosterone to trigger sexual desire in women.” This is not only gross, but mandatory.

Whether you believe any or all of these experts who know more about kissing than you do, the science is clear: your life could be forever changed, or even ruined, all because you can’t control your subconscious impulses, In exchange for lots of kisses. Relationship statistics show that in a few years you may not like this person anymore.

You don’t need a scientist to tell you that kissing makes you anxious. Anyone who’s ever kissed someone knows that it’s impossible to relax during the act because any raw pleasure you might feel during the act leaves open the possibility of gonorrhea and/or a baby.

If you don’t believe it, here’s a partial list from Google’s “People Also Searched” box:

Why does my throat hurt after kissing my boyfriend?

how does kissing taste

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Will you get sick if you kiss after oral sex?

What are the signs of STDs in the mouth?

How long does another person’s bacteria stay in your mouth after a kiss?

andWell, kissing is enjoyable, but so is throwing large objects from tall buildings. Is the pursuit of happiness a good use of time? Not based on historical figures like Socrates, Jesus, the Dalai Lama, and a host of neuroscientists you’ve never heard of who waffle on space and time.

Buddhist monk Matthieu Ricard has spent more time meditating in a brain scanner than any living person and is almost universally considered the happiest man on earth, but he hasn’t been kissed in decades Anyone anymore.He once asked a Q The interviewer viewed the natural endpoint of kissing—sex—as a “mechanical pursuit of sensual pleasure” that led to “obsession and ultimately disappointment.”

When you think about it, kissing is obviously stupid, and if our brain chemicals hadn’t evolved to give us the ability to think clearly when someone spit on us, we’d surely have stopped kissing a long time ago. .

timeThe best cure for the worst of human follies is kissing. Genius Records.

The book recorded humanity’s longest uninterrupted kiss as lasting 58 hours – a record that will never be broken as it stopped allowing new record attempts in 2013 because it deemed it too dangerous.

Until then, would-be record holders had to keep kissing while drinking, eating or even going to the bathroom, and they had to do so in front of judges (diapers and other incontinence products are expressly prohibited).

The Guinness World Records website has several photos of couples trying to break the record, and seeing any of them is enough to make you never kiss again. The couple looked disheveled, bored, tired, and constipated. Their skin is sallow and their eyes are lifeless. They seemed to literally suck the life out of each other’s bodies.

For decades, society has been flooded with idealized and misleading images of people kissing: Jack and Heath Brokeback MountainLeo and Kate Titanic etc. I have no doubt that if we spent less time looking at that romanticized, idealized crap and more time studying married record holders Ekachai and Laksana Thiranarath’s seriously chapped The emotional gulf between our lips, our species and the planet would be in better shape. Their most memorable relationship moment will always be the moment they kissed while using the bathroom in front of strangers.