Body dissatisfaction, body dysmorphia and body shame cycles

By Gia Marson, Ed.D.

In today’s culture, anyone can find fault with their weight or shape, even those who are praised by society for having the “ideal” body. For example, actress Megan Fox, who appeared on the cover Sports IllustratedThe 2023 swimsuit issue said: “I never see myself the way other people see me. … There has never been a moment in my life when I loved my body, never.”

Body dissatisfaction

Fox, a successful actress and model, recently revealed that she experienced symptoms of body dysmorphia (BDD), a condition in which a person worries about their perceived physical limitations. She’s not alone.

• In 2020, researchers examined body dissatisfaction among 1,019 teenagers. Unfortunately, 75% of participants aged 13 to 19 said they felt dissatisfied with their body.
• Likewise, in a 2022 study of 824 adults, only 25% reported being satisfied with their body size.

Body dysmorphia

People with body dissatisfaction and body shame rarely meet the full clinical criteria for BDD. Although only 2% of adults are diagnosed with BDD, the condition is commonly underdiagnosed and misdiagnosed. The true number of people with BDD may be higher. It is important to remember that an eating disorder is not diagnosed in people with certain eating disorders because it is a clinical sign.

BDD results in “significant distress and/or impairment at work or school” and can correlate with conditions such as depression, social anxiety, etc. It can also put you at increased risk for eating disorders and decreased self-esteem.

According to the World Health Organization, BDD is characterized by:

• Preoccupation with at least one physical flaw that is either invisible or only slightly noticeable to others.
• Excessive shyness, often with ideas of conformity.
• Repetitive behaviors (eg, mirror checking, grooming, picking, and reassurance seeking) or mental activities (eg, comparing themselves to others) in response to their concerns about appearance and anxious emotions.

Over the course of their lives, people with BDD worry about five to seven different parts of the body.

Most spend between three and eight hours a day worrying about their appearance, although 25% will spend more than eight hours a day worrying about how they look.

It is important for people with BDD to get professional help. The treatment of choice is usually cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and medication.

Understanding the Body Shame Cycle

Most people who struggle with body dissatisfaction do not meet the criteria for BDD. But no matter where you fall on the spectrum, that feeling of body dissatisfaction or body shame doesn’t have to be your story.

It is possible to heal these harmful thought patterns and get back on the path of self-love and acceptance.

There is no such thing as a “perfect” body.

Our DNA often determines physical attributes, such as the shape of our hips or how we look in a swimsuit.

“We have forgotten what a normal body looks like. There are people who are struggling, and I’m struggling, and it’s okay to come to terms with the knowledge that it’s going to be a bit of a journey.” — Chrissy Teigen

But in a culture that constantly nitpicks and judges every aspect of our bodies, it’s hard not to obsess over our perceived flaws. Diet and exercise may seem like the only ways to accept yourself.

But this can be a recipe for disappointment.

Diets and fitness programs don’t work for many people for many reasons. Sometimes they are based on dubious science. Other times, they require you to adhere to an unrealistic schedule or diet. Sometimes you just don’t have the time or energy.

None of these reasons make you a failure. But many people feel this way. They criticize themselves for their lack of willpower. They feel ashamed that they can’t “stick to it.”

This shame develops into fear of rejection, which can lead to social avoidance. For example, we don’t come to a friend’s birthday party because we don’t like the way we look in our clothes. We avoid checkups because we don’t want to step on the doctor’s scale. We say no to the beach because we don’t want to be seen in a bathing suit.

This can lead to a cycle of anxiety avoidance. While skipping a day at the beach or a birthday party helps us feel better in the moment, it exacerbates feelings of loneliness and reinforces thoughts that we should avoid all future events and gatherings.

But you deserve to live your life – don’t avoid it.

“The body is such a commodity in our culture. People always comment on your weight. It’s a shame to take more than your share or take up more space. But now I understand that you have a right to this space. You can take up as much space as you want.” — Margaret Cho

Breaking the cycle of body shame

On your journey to self-acceptance, it’s important to focus on the factors you can control.

You cannot change external factors, such as how society defines the “ideal” body or what others think of you. But you have power over your inner experience.

The key to overcoming the cycle of shame is not to make your body smaller. It’s about making your life bigger.

Focus on relationships.

A critical part of maximizing your life is finding supportive, positive relationships.

Positive relationships can have a huge impact on our health, according to one of the longest-running studies on human happiness and longevity, conducted at Harvard.

Think about the people in your life who make you feel good, and then try to spend more time with them.

Pursue activities and goals that have nothing to do with your body.

In a society that is obsessed with the “perfect” body—to the point where even famous actors, actresses, and cover models can feel uncomfortable with their appearance—it’s easy to fall into the trap of making your body the center of all your goals. Stop focusing on body goals: stick to that diet; run 5 km; lose weight.

But if you want to break the cycle of body shaming, focus on accomplishments and activities that have nothing to do with how your body looks.

Instead, choose hobbies that challenge your mind and fill your heart. Is there a project at work that you enjoy? Have you ever wanted to try your hand at knitting or drawing? You may have adopted a dog that will enjoy agility training. Or stick to this schedule. Read a book by your favorite authors. Learn something new.

Cultivate thoughts to give yourself credit.

Celebrating victories can boost self-esteem and confidence. And these victories can help you replace cycles of shame with moments of pride.

Be careful. Notice the flow, happiness and joy.

It may sound so simple. But pausing long enough to be fully present and recognize moments when you feel good in your life, in your relationships, and in your body can break the cycle of shame.

This could be going on a hike, taking up a new hobby, or spending time with loved ones.

We feel good when we are in touch with meaningful aspects of our lives. Whenever you experience that small rush of positive feelings, pay attention to it. Lean into it. And try to reproduce the situation as much as possible.

If you feel your best in nature, how can you get outside more often? If you feel calm when you are with your best friend, could you spend more time with that person?

Actively reinforce what you like.

To reinforce this, write down one thing every day that makes you feel good and has nothing to do with your body. Instead of focusing on how you wish you looked, start tracking it when you feel engaged, connected, happy, joyful and successful.

The more you notice these occurrences, the more you’ll be able to repeat them—and return to a life dictated by happiness and self-esteem, not just the shape or size of your body.

To find a therapist, please visit Directory of Therapy “Psychology Today”.

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