On Sunday night, Taylor Swift wore that classic red lip piece you love to attend her eventual boyfriend Travis Kelce’s game at MetLife Stadium as the Kansas City Chiefs took on the New York Jets. Not to mention the star-studded box she sat in (featuring recently single dinner pal Sophie Turner and another new single Hugh Jackman), and also the fact that if there was one person famous enough to make the Chiefs change name, then this is it: rather, the most guilty of celebrities using private jets now has brand new crop links, photos, and stories that pop up when you Google “Taylor Swift airplane.”
Okay, no one is saying that Taylor Swift might be dating football player Travis Kelce since Sun the goal is to one day watch a New York Jets game from the comfort of a private suite, forever bury the emissions data associated with the use of her private jet, and catapult photos of her and Dead Pool Instead, Universe to the top of Google results. But as the shrewdest of celebrities and the most humble of bloggers, she almost certainly doesn’t ignore the too-good-to-be-true coincidence of search engine optimization. As fans and haters (journalists) continue to monitor her contribution to the ongoing climate crisis, the chances of someone with her star power cutting back on private flying remain as likely as Harry Styles performing on the show. 1989 (Taylor’s version) – good in theory, but it’s not going to happen – why doesn’t she have a picnic with more populist appeal and just as much SEO juice? Forget Taylor Swift moving from New York to Kansas City and back to New Jersey so quickly (Jets) – all that matters is who she saw in the game on Sunday (Jets)!
Although we’re still a few weeks away 1989 (Taylor’s version), fans are already speculating that her track “Slut!” (her exclamation point) will bring back “the narrative of her ‘love life’ and all the slut-shaming she received from the media and public attention.” In other words, this will also have consequences for search results. A Google search for “1989 Taylor” will only bring up Taylor’s version, not Scooter Braun’s, on the coveted first page of indexed results, which is exactly what she wants.
Swift isn’t the only celebrity who uses SEO to her advantage. Let’s look at a few more striking examples:
“Selena Gomez is single”
Selena Gomez’s new single, aptly titled “Single Coming Soon,” is set to damn anyone who tries to determine anything about the singer’s relationship status or when any new songs will ever be released.
“Rob Lowe Sex Tape”
Rob Lowe’s appearance in the 2014 comedy Sex video took a break from his in the 1980s when the 24-year-old actor was filmed having sex with a teenager.
“Natalie Portman, Jonathan Safran Foer”
Rumors of a romance between vegan intellectuals Jonathan Safran Foer and Natalie Portman are being hushed up by their published email correspondence and trash day analysis, meaning none of us will ever know whether he left his wife for her.
“Jennifer Lawrence’s mom”
Perhaps the birth of Jennifer Lawrence’s baby last year will erase the negative reviews of the film. mother! (exclamation point from Darren Aronofsky).
“Jonathan Major Fight”
It did seem like a coincidence that Jonathan Majors was caught on video. splitting up the fight facing trial for domestic violence.
“Vaginal sex by Gwyneth Paltrow”
First of all, why are you Googling? What? But also, instead of stumbling upon a lawsuit against Goop over its “vaginal egg,” you’ll end up with a weird vaginal suppository.
“Lindsay Lohan Xanax”
Her single “Xanax,” which is honestly a heavy hitter, almost guarantees that you won’t find anything useful about the actress’s drug use.
“Kylie Jenner’s lips”
Forget those terrible “Lip Challenge” meme photos of teens putting their lips in a cup or bottle to fake swelling, and instead check out the new colors coming to the reality TV star’s makeup line this season.
The fact that the celebrity PR machine is so successful at manipulating technology to suit its whims is proof that the machines are no smarter than the likes of Tree Payne or any other publicist deserving of their weight in future production credits or otherwise. If you see Will Smith starring in the remake of the remake of the Australian NBC series Hit or Drew Barrymore taking a hit while bowling with friends, you’ll know you have PR and, most importantly, SEO to thank.