One of the constants of our time is the desire to cease to exist what is one. The rise of beauty clinics is just one clear example of this trend.how do we believe The face is the mirror of the soul, Some people believe that if I change my facial expression through birlibirloque art, or lose weight or get rid of cellulite, I will be a better person than I am now. But we all know that’s usually not the case. Having an amazing physique doesn’t necessarily mean being an admirable person.
In the field of psychology that I devote myself to every day, the demands are brutal. To sum it up, the person asking for counseling is asking you to help them change. “I can’t stand the way I live, I don’t like being aggressive; I want to think otherwise, but no matter how hard I try, there’s no way.” Such a request is often accompanied by a humble desire to improve, but it often fails to do its job because it is often based on two mistakes.
The first is to confuse flaws with personality traits. A flaw is a mistake we make every day, and when said mistake becomes the norm, it eventually creates a trend. The scriptures call it sin.
The best way to combat them is to have a plan to do the opposite, to build behaviors that make us better. This is the basis of behavioral therapy. Psychologists who specialize in this technique know that the change is more effective and long-lasting when it is associated with a change in thinking (removing a certain cognitive distortion). This is the basis of cognitive behavioral psychotherapy. The mistake, as I pointed out before, is to confuse something wrong with a way of being. For example: It is wrong to drink alcohol or to waste time all day. The personality trait with a tendency to isolate is a personality trait.
This confusion leads us to our second mistake, which involves wanting change who i am.The above goals usually occur when we believe in the existence of good way and bad way. What a fallacy. For example, if I ask you which is better: extroversion or introversion? Everyone will choose the first option. What we don’t seem to realize is that introverts are more considerate, tolerant, trustworthy, and have better friends. When an introvert speaks, everyone listens. If I told you: what would you choose first: a righteous and orderly person, or a crazy and creative person? We also point to the former, without seeing that it is precisely the latter that, in the face of established dogma of political correctness, is capable of denouncing injustice and proposing solutions that no one had imagined before.
Personality is made up of two broad structures. The first comes from genetics, which we call temperament; the second is based on education received and external factors that shape our being, which we call character. Some people spend thousands of hours and therapy to differentiate the two. Am I like this because of genetics or because of my parents’ parenting style? It’s like trying to separate oil and salt after we’ve already added them to the salad. It’s a daunting task of little use. That’s what we are, so it’s not worth getting out of our skins to find out why. Let’s face it: This is one of the keys that will bring us closer to happiness and emotional stability.
Now let’s draw conclusions. Number one: let’s learn to distinguish between what’s wrong, what’s making me worse, and what’s my character trait. It’s true that sometimes it’s hard to tell them apart, which is why we end up singing that song from Alaska: “This is the way I am, I’ll stay like this, and I’ll never change”. If we have trouble with this, we turn to those who love us for help, and if possible, in a family setting. The family is always the one most interested in trying to make its members better.
The second conclusion is even more important: let’s not spend our days trying to be someone we’re not. It’s very tiresome, usually achieves very little, and ends up producing quite a bit of desperation. Just like athletes put poles on boxes before jumping, maybe we should too. Know that our lifestyle has thousands of positive characteristics. It is always easier to get the boat moving when the boat is going in the same direction as the wind.Accepting yourself is always easier, tastier and healthier like a person. Love yourself, despite the difficulties. Get to know each other without worrying about what you might find out. Recognizing our qualities is a sign of mental strength.
And now is the time for change. What a paradox. when we strive to live on what makes us unique (and peculiar); when we discover we are no worse than anyone else; When we do, we achieve great things. Our flaws become small. We radiate such a powerful light that it can illuminate all our darkness. We have done so much good and done it so well that our enemies looked down in shame before they started hacking us in the back.
there is nothing. This is the challenge. Let me point out some of the fruits of this mature tree: acceptance and common sense. Joy and hope.
Luis Gutierrez Rojas is a psychiatrist. He combines his teaching work as a university professor with medical activities at the San Cecilio Clinical Hospital in Granada. He is the author of “The Beauty of Life” (Ed. Ciudadela, 2021) and “Vivir más libre” (Ed. Vergara, 2023).